Going through the pain of traumatic experiences, one on top of another, really screws up your soul. I’ve been struggling for so long just trying to hold things together, when in reality, I knew they were bound to fall apart. I knew for a long time that until I started releasing myself from the condemnation of a whacked out life situation, I wouldn’t be able to begin the healing process. I had to make some hard decisions.
Making some empowering decisions demonstrates just how far I’ve come in my journey of healing. Getting the first tattoo was a step in that direction. It said that I was in control of my own self. It wasn’t (and isn’t) a selfish act. It’s an act that helps me to prove that I matter. My thoughts, ideas, and views matter and I can act upon them. Being excited about getting other tattoos (especially more meaningful, maybe larger, maybe more intricate designs) shows that I have taken back control of my life and it is a symbol of my own inner strength.
I never could have got a tattoo before. I lived in a controlled environment for close to 19 years. He had to approve my every move. And he did, physically, emotionally and spiritually for all these years. Once I realized that this was wrong and abusive, I began the healing process. I have taken many steps, but the first public step, outside of telling my story to my friends, is this tattoo. It’s a heart with the generalized peace sign inside. For years I would go around my house, saying these words to myself and to my kids, “Just keep the peace.” Then someone was bold enough to say, “Chelsea, there is no peace here, there is no peace that can be kept. You’re lying to yourself, honey.” The tattoo reminds me that my heart is at peace. It reminds me that where there is no peace there is no hope. It empowers me to do what is right. It empowers me to move out of the places where peace is lacking and into the places where peace rules.
Is your heart at peace? Are you going around, trying to keep peace, where there is no peace present?