Torn

Recently, I initiated a time of respite from one of my best friends.  It was a decision that had to be made after some intense emotional battles together, all of which were experienced in a short amount of time.  Also, both of us were going through our own personal and family drama, and to me, it seemed we were dragging on in our relationship, and neither was stable enough to come full circle in order to initiate peace or sustainability.  We agreed on the boundaries and time frame and it seems a good choice and my hopes were that it would prove to restore our intimacy in friendship.

Space.  A period of time for people to be apart.    A way to internalize or exaggerate one’s own feelings and frustrations when concerning another human being, and do it alone. Rest.  Peace.  It’s been going on forever.  Even God rested!  It’s necessary for renewal, especially if you’re absolutely needed in the game of life.  Like, if you have a spouse, kids, friends, a job, etc.  Respite from the obligatory drudges is a very necessary piece of life, in order for us to fully function in a productive and sane manner.

So…I’m good with it, until I need a friend.  And, until I need THAT friend, urgently.  Suddenly, she’s not available.  That’s what happened.  And it’s confusing for me.  I initiated the silence, and now, I’m wondering how do I renege on that promise.  It’s my best friend.  I keep my promises.

The fact is, she’s the one who is always available.  She’s the one who sends the encouraging texts.  She’s the one with the wisdom.  She’s the one who can always make me smile or cry, whichever I need.  And, right now, I need a shoulder.  She’s not here.  Even when I reach out, she’s taking the space literally and seriously.  So…I have to respect that, right?  Torn.  How to proceed?  With caution.  You stay well, or you leave well.

I’m so sorry my friend, I did not stay well.  I reached out, and I did not respect your boundaries.

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